We're having a........

(I color bugged his hair "punk rock pink" as we call it around here)




Well, we are 95% sure.

I cheated and went in early just to find out the sex. She was still
pretty small but the doctor and I both felt pretty confident we
spotted "labia." Doctors words, not mine. Of course Hudson came with and after all that happened during the appointment, his only question when we got to the car was "What is a labia?"

The secret is finally out and his teachers at school told me that he
came to school a few months ago (like mid-March perhaps?) and said “we
have a family secret” and that he couldn’t tell them because it was
about “my moms belly.” He is so sly, that one.

Nonetheless, I do think Hudson held the secret in longer than his dad.
Both equally excited. Both wanted a girl. Honestly, what can I
expect when I let a healing brain injured husband and a 4 year old
watch me pee on a stick?

Life tastes good.

Things I did today:

1. I ate a cheeseburger for lunch (first one since February) and
backed it up with a 6 inch sub from Jersey Mikes.

2. Made a list of passwords for work and work computer things,
because we are going on vacation and I am afraid I would forget.

3. Went to the San Diego County fair AFTER work. Aggressive.

4. Officially retired my “fat girl” pants for maternity pants. Not
because my belly is big but because my ass is. Business in the front,
party in the back.

5. Packed our suitcase for Minnesota to see my family. Can’t. wait.

Although we have one more day of work/school, going to the SD County fair was sort of our kick off, which involved more eating.....naturally.




























I'm not sure what a "Fat Darrel Sandwich" is but I'll have 3.

Signs of being pregnant.

I knew I was pregnant for a variety of reasons. But the big kickers after my missed period were: ferocious acne, constipation, nausea, porn star boobs and vivid, re-occurring dreams about being chased by an angry man (who carries a different weapon every night) who tries to kill me, alternated with vivid, re-occurring dreams that I effortlessly (yet inappropriately) deliver the baby in various public locations.

Awesome, I know. This is all part of a human growing inside another human, although I had little to no symptoms the first time around. The first sign I was past this phase was when I started eating/needing/craving enchiladas for breakfast. It was the pregnant version of an "ah-ha" moment.

At any rate, I feel like myself again other than I'm anxious for the anatomy appointment and of course to find out the sex of the baby (oh and the fact that I want to punch dudes at Starbucks in the face.) I'm pretty confident I know what it is but l'll wait for doctor confirmation to share.
Very soon.....

Thing no one tells you about when you're pregnant #48585593

We have all seen those videos where there is an accident or an emergency situation, adrenalin kicks in, and everyday people all of a sudden get super human powers and are able to lift a car five feet into the air to help save someone?

Well, when I'm pregnant, that's how I feel every day except I want to punch more people in the face than I want to save. (Ok, my friend Megs did mention this one.)

First thing this morning, in Starbucks, there was a guy in front of me who obviously came in with some "baggage" that he wanted to unload.
You could just tell, he was looking to unleash on someone and so he did on the baristas for bad service and a crappy latte. I was right behind him and after he yelled, left, and came back to have some final words, I had to say something.

What I said:
Excuse me but YOU are WAY out of line.

What I was saying in my head (honest to goodness, this went through my head):
Listen up asshole, I'm not sure why your bad morning has to become everyone else's bad morning but you need to get a grip. I've spent the last year and half caring for a toddler, a brain injured husband and I am in line because I work full time and really don't have time for your "do you know who I am" attitude, latte woes or any other bullshit this morning. The only thing standing in between me and my blueberry muffin is you and your bad haircut. It's taking everything inside of me NOT to take your "crappy latte" and pour it in your lap. If you want a perfect latte with a smile then buy yourself an espresso machine, froth your own milk, and stand in front of the mirror with a grin, you dick. I hope your wife is sleeping with another man, as we speak.

Sincerely, me and my growing fetus.

Graduation and (spare) Change.

Hudson graduated pre-school this weekend. Although he will continue to go to his pre-school for summer camp, the formal "commencement" happened this weekend and grandma Julie was here with us to celebrate.
Many people asked me if I cried or I was sad to watch Hudson graduate?
My answer: Hell No!
Honestly, I love his pre-school and our next child will go there as well, but I am not sad he is moving on to kindergarten. Since I can remember, I've always embraced change with open arms. Especially, positive change. Change is good. I don't think I had a pre-school graduation (shit, did I even go to pre-school?) However, I do remember my high school graduation and our theme song was Green Day's "Good Riddance" which pretty much summed it up for me. (Or was it just mine?)
Again, it's not that high school was so painful or terrible for me, I was just excited for my next adventure. And so.... I am equally excited for Hudson's next adventure, which is also our next adventure.
This is just the beginning of change that is headed our way this year and I am ready.
“The only thing constant in life is change."
Francois de la Rochefoucauld
I'll drink (sparkling water) to that, Francois!

Just some things

My appetite and energy are slowly coming back and I think everyone is my house is pretty excited about that. I know I am.




Watermelon shark Hudson and I carved. (thanks grandma Julie for the "brilliant" idea)




Strawberry tart we "threw" together in 2 days.




E had the balls to tell me the crust was a "little too thick." (See store bought birthday cake below.)




Rock picking.




Hike to Blacks Beach. Hudson had strep throat but we thought he was just being lazy. So....he walked.




Happy Birthday E! Homemade enchiladas + Baskin Robbins ice cream cake + a few new potted succulents = A happy E.

Holy Sh*# I'm pregnant. Part 1

The backstory:

There was a point in E's recovery, as he started to get better, where I started to wonder about the future. I started to wonder if having another child would ever be "in the cards" for us. We had gone back and forth on this subject before the brain injury and never came to a firm decision. I was pretty sure I wanted another but wasn't sure if it was going to be the best thing for our family, especially now with the brain injury "set back." The wonder and worry started plaguing me. So, one day, I went to get acupuncture as I often do. I had an hour to lay in the room by myself and I meditated, said a prayer, had a talk with the gods, if you will. I asked them for a sign (which I never do.) I wanted to know if another baby was in our future at some point, if it was a good idea. I no longer wanted the "burden" of having to make this decision. I wanted a clear sign, no grey area as so much of our life was a grey area at that point.

When I left, I felt relieved. I felt the message was received and I was so cleared out that I was starving and headed directly to a burrito shop to grab some lunch.

When I walked in, there were about 3 people in line in front of me, but directly in front of me, was a woman with long curly hair. It was Hudson's doula. The woman who was with us before, during and after the birth of my baby. I hadn't seen her since a few weeks after Hudson was born, over 4 years, as she moved to New Jersey. Well, she had just moved back and she just happened to pick this particular burrito shop on this particular day, at this particular time. Me too.

Call it a sign, call it a coincidence, call it a fluke, to me it was the only answer I needed and I never worried about if/when/how we would have another baby from that day on.