Thursday, July 26, 2012

A Confession

Confession : I've been having a hard time transitioning into "girl" mode. Don't get me wrong, I am beyond excited we are having a girl. There is only so much penis punching and floor wrestling a person can take. And....I always knew that eventually, I would have a girl, however, I'm still not pooping glitter with excitement.

First off, the color pink is my least favorite color. On a deeper level, I am not exactly sure what to do with a girl. I grew up with a brother and have lived with dudes (mostly male friends) for a large part of my adult life. The girls I did live with, were like dudes. Thank goodness I am a girl or I wouldn't even know how to properly wipe her bottom clean. (Front to back, right?)

I do love make-up, shoes and nail polish just as much as the next female. However, I prefer maroon colored nail polish and have 20 pairs of black boots. So I guess its a darkened version of feminine. You definitely won't see me with bedazzled jeans or a "DIVA" license plate holder. Thats just not my gig.

So, the nursery/guest bedroom is pretty much done, which will be another post, but E told me its not "girly" enough. I guess, I am easing into this at my own pace. My OWN version of girly. One lighter shade of black, at a time.

UPDATE: I wrote this blog last week and didn't get around to posting it. Over the weekend, something changed. Something happened. Maybe because I washed a few of the girl clothes I've been collecting over the years, maybe because my stomach grew and she is becoming more real, whatever it was, I am now excited. If you're confused by this entire post, welcome to the mind of a crazy pregnant lady.

The art work we put up in baby's room. E said its a little scary and in the same breath said it reminds him of me. We don't sugar coat around here.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Things no one tells you about being pregnant #56949300: Paranoia

Brought to my attention by my girlfriend, who is also pregnant.
Let me first say, how saddened I am about yet another senseless, tragic, killing "spree" that happened in Colorado. I've been listening to and reading about the intense debates of how to "solve" this "problem." Is it gun control? Is it a broken mental health system? Is it too much violence in the media?

If you ask me, which no one did, my answer would be yes to all of the above. Unfortunately, it's all a part of our culture and it will take a whole culture to change it. Our society over indulges in everything and if we want to see change its starts with us. It starts with you. It starts with me. I certainly don't pretend to know all the answers but I do know a little about the power of supply and demand.

That being said, being pregnant I (and my girlfriend apparently) have constant PARANOIA.

A text exchange sent between us yesterday.....

Her: I think everyone wearing a backpack has a gun.

Me: I took the stairs today instead of riding in an elevator, alone, with a suspicious looking man.

Her: I left See's Candies for my one free truffle because some dude had a backpack and wasn't standing in line.

It goes on but you get the point. I'm not sure why this is a " symptom" of pregnancy, but the shit that just happened in Colorado only compounds the crazy scenarios playing out in my head as I stand in line at the grocery store to buy milk and bread, and the person in front of me is inappropriately wearing sunglasses.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Hair Thursday

I cut his hair, gave him a sucker and then we had a dance party.....all before 8am.

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Things I miss....

It's official, baby girl is a girl. AND she is healthy. We had our Friday the 13th anatomy appointment yesterday were able to thoroughly check her out. It's a relief to say the least.

So now that I know she's a she, and she's healthy, I can officially complain.

I saw a list on this week on "Things I miss during my pregnancy." I could relate to a few things but most of it was rather vanilla. Since I am a list making machine (especially these days) I made my own top 5.

1. Wine- I miss the taste, the color, the smell. I miss wanting wine because quite frankly, being pregnant is like taking the drug they give to alcoholics that makes you want to vomit instantly. If not at the very sight of alcohol, then the very taste.

2. I miss not feeling GUILTY about eating a god damned turkey sandwich with cheese. Yes, apparently even deli meat and certain cheeses are off limits these days and don't even think about opting for fish instead because most of the fish I like is off limits as well. I eat it all anyway, but I do have a sense of guilt with a side of Lame sauce with every bite.

3. I miss NOT peeing myself every time I sneeze. It is getting ridiculous so if I sneeze and excuse myself, you know why.

4. I miss running. Not because of my growing belly but because there are not enough sports bras that I could pile on in order to keep my upper half in tact.

5. Hudson told me my butt was big. In fact, his exact words were "Your butt is huge, it's true mom." I like how he added the "it's true" part, just in case I thought he was bullshitting me. I guess I miss having an acceptable sized least in a 4 year olds eyes.

Of course, when you put it all into perspective, turkey sandwiches and big butts are dream "problems" compared to where we were last time at this year. Trust me, I haven't forgotten and am reminded of how lucky we are every day when I wake up and E brings me my one cup of coffee in bed (@6am...on a Saturday)

That being said, turkey + giving thanks = Thanksgiving; which is also our due date. So let's do this.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Funny and inappropriate.

A forward I received this morning that I had to share. Thanks MOM for the always inappropriate and funny forward.


Take off clothing and place it in sectioned Laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long robe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror --Make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use wash cloth, long loofah,Wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner.Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Rinse off. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long robe and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.


Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her, making the woo-woo sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice the water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time. Admire wiener size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, and light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again. Throw wet towel on bed.

Have and great day and......woo-woo!

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Home sweet home

We are back from our adventures in Minnesota and a quick, extremely hot (unbearable) few days in Palm Springs. Soooo good to see family. There is nothing like a Minnesota summer!
Back to reality, for a few weeks....

My dad and E.

Hudson's vacation t.


My sweet niece, Indie. Pink hair and s'mores. I need one of her.

Hudson and Indie holding hands. Cute now, not so cute when they're 16.

E and my brotha.

Grandma Julie, Hudson and the Worlds largest pelican.

Cousin Stephanie's wedding. We just keep on expanding.....

Me. Half baked @ 20 weeks which means 20 weeks until Thanksgiving folks. Bring on the turkey.

Hudson and his lady friends in PS. He's a lucky man.

The end.