Holy Sh*# I'm pregnant. Part 1

The backstory:

There was a point in E's recovery, as he started to get better, where I started to wonder about the future. I started to wonder if having another child would ever be "in the cards" for us. We had gone back and forth on this subject before the brain injury and never came to a firm decision. I was pretty sure I wanted another but wasn't sure if it was going to be the best thing for our family, especially now with the brain injury "set back." The wonder and worry started plaguing me. So, one day, I went to get acupuncture as I often do. I had an hour to lay in the room by myself and I meditated, said a prayer, had a talk with the gods, if you will. I asked them for a sign (which I never do.) I wanted to know if another baby was in our future at some point, if it was a good idea. I no longer wanted the "burden" of having to make this decision. I wanted a clear sign, no grey area as so much of our life was a grey area at that point.

When I left, I felt relieved. I felt the message was received and I was so cleared out that I was starving and headed directly to a burrito shop to grab some lunch.

When I walked in, there were about 3 people in line in front of me, but directly in front of me, was a woman with long curly hair. It was Hudson's doula. The woman who was with us before, during and after the birth of my baby. I hadn't seen her since a few weeks after Hudson was born, over 4 years, as she moved to New Jersey. Well, she had just moved back and she just happened to pick this particular burrito shop on this particular day, at this particular time. Me too.

Call it a sign, call it a coincidence, call it a fluke, to me it was the only answer I needed and I never worried about if/when/how we would have another baby from that day on.