Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Thing no one tells you about when you're pregnant #48585593

We have all seen those videos where there is an accident or an emergency situation, adrenalin kicks in, and everyday people all of a sudden get super human powers and are able to lift a car five feet into the air to help save someone?

Well, when I'm pregnant, that's how I feel every day except I want to punch more people in the face than I want to save. (Ok, my friend Megs did mention this one.)

First thing this morning, in Starbucks, there was a guy in front of me who obviously came in with some "baggage" that he wanted to unload.
You could just tell, he was looking to unleash on someone and so he did on the baristas for bad service and a crappy latte. I was right behind him and after he yelled, left, and came back to have some final words, I had to say something.

What I said:
Excuse me but YOU are WAY out of line.

What I was saying in my head (honest to goodness, this went through my head):
Listen up asshole, I'm not sure why your bad morning has to become everyone else's bad morning but you need to get a grip. I've spent the last year and half caring for a toddler, a brain injured husband and I am in line because I work full time and really don't have time for your "do you know who I am" attitude, latte woes or any other bullshit this morning. The only thing standing in between me and my blueberry muffin is you and your bad haircut. It's taking everything inside of me NOT to take your "crappy latte" and pour it in your lap. If you want a perfect latte with a smile then buy yourself an espresso machine, froth your own milk, and stand in front of the mirror with a grin, you dick. I hope your wife is sleeping with another man, as we speak.

Sincerely, me and my growing fetus.

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